Vanderpump Villa Series-Premiere Recap

Vanderpump Villa Series-Premiere Recap appears to be aiming to emulate the popular show Below Deck but with a twist – set in a luxurious chateau. The show features a single group of eight guests who enjoy elaborate themed parties and have a short 48-hour stay. The crew is given a day and a half break between each guest group, and the producers seem intent on encouraging romantic entanglements among the attractive young employees. The concept is essentially Lisa Vanderpump captaining a “ship” that is actually a lavish home in the French Riviera, with high hopes for its success.

The problem is that Below Deck is a show about people who are in yachting and think that doing reality television will be a silly lark. That does not seem like the cast of Vanderpump Villa. They seem like unhappy servers who wish they were famous and are getting on a reality show to jumpstart some other career. This isn’t Below Deck on land. It’s Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club without the ocean.

(Just like Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, Vanderpump Villa Series-Premiere Recap  is made by Bunim/Murray Productions, the studio behind The Real World and many other reality staples. Yes, it is strange that this show is on Hulu and not on Bravo, the home of Lisa’s other shows, or a subsidiary of NBCUniversal, which owns Bravo. It is also strange it’s not made by Evolution Media, the company that makes both The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules. This means either that neither Evolution nor Bravo wanted the show or that Lisa was so burned by her departure from RHOBH that she found a new production company and a whole new streaming service for this venture.)

Since all of these yahoos seem eager to be on reality television, it seems like they’re not only cleaning the guest’s toilets and bussing their tables, but they’re also clocking in for their other jobs. However, these amateur professionals need to learn that there is more to the reality television arts and sciences than fighting. Because everything thinks there needs to be conflict at every moment (and they don’t nearly have as much of a real job to do as the stews and deckies of Below Deck), all they do is get into fights so stupid that they’re practically comatose.

Discussing foolish individuals engaging in foolish arguments, let’s introduce Hannah and Marciano, former romantic partners now working at Lisa’s establishment. I am curious about the circumstances surrounding their relationship. Were they selected to play a couple but separated before filming began due to Mariano’s infidelity? Or were they already separated before being chosen for their roles? Regardless, I envision Lisa plotting mischief, eager to exploit their dynamic for heightened drama.

During the first staff dinner, a game of “truth or drink” is being played, and Marciano is asked to share about his most memorable date. He mentions a time when Hannah provided him with an unforgettable experience, though the specific details are censored. It becomes clear that this particular job will be the only one completed to satisfaction throughout the series. Additionally, Marciano’s behavior escalates as he mixes brown liquor with Sprite at the bar, indicating a disregard for quality. It is evident that this imitation of Jax Taylor from Dollar Tree is not well-received.

As the first guests, Jeremy and Shirin, arrive at the chateau, they are met with a surprise proposal from Jeremy. Meanwhile, the staff, including Marciano, Hannah, and Telly, are indulging in shots of alcohol behind the bar, despite Lisa’s strict policy against staff drinking in the bar area. This behavior is questionable, especially considering their roles as servers and mixologists. Additionally, the chateau manager, Eric, partakes in similar behavior at the end of the third episode, leaving one to wonder about the staff’s overall level of sophistication.

Marciano and Hannah’s frustration with the slow service at the bar culminates in a heated altercation. They vocally express their discontent within earshot of the guests, ensuring everyone is aware of the tension. Upon entering the bar, Marciano instructs Telly, the sole bartender, to refrain from addressing him and to focus on preparing his drinks. Telly attempts to clear the bar, but Hannah asserts their right to be there, leading to a verbal confrontation. The situation escalates when Telly uses profanity and Marciano becomes physically aggressive, prompting the intervention of the rest of the staff to quell the disagreement.

Yet again, the guests see and hear this whole thing going down and probably wish that if there was going to be a fight like this, they would do it tableside so that their dinner would also come with a show. The next morning Lisa calls everyone together to chastise them and tell them it’s not Chateau Shit Show, which was the name of my Fire Island share house for nine summers running. When Lisa brings it up, Marciano tells her that it didn’t affect service. Say what? They saw and heard the whole thing. Lisa also chastises Marciano for making 11 shots when there were only eight guests and sucking up the remaining liquor like he’s some kind of Dust Buster on a bender.

The next fight is, once again, thanks to Hannah, who is made with equal parts stupidity, aggression, and lip fillers. She sees one of the servers, Priscilla, sitting beside Marciano on the couch with her legs crossed. She tells Priscilla that her “spread eagle” next to Marciano makes her uncomfortable and not to do it. What? These women need to police their behavior around this jackass of a man so that Hannah can feel comfortable? There are not enough “No”s in all of France for my opinion on this. If Hannah doesn’t like it, she should tell Marciano to get up and leave, or, frankly, she should get the hell over it. Priscilla owes her nothing.

Later, during a gathering in their living quarters, Gabriella, one of the event organizers, is sitting with legs spread apart and in close proximity to Marciano. Priscilla questions Hannah about why Gabriella’s behavior is acceptable while hers is not. They have a brief argument before separating. Hannah then expresses her frustration to Priscilla for calling out Gabriella, stating that it was inappropriate. Hannah points out that it is strange for Priscilla to expect specific behavior from other women around a man when there is no actual relationship between them.

Hannah’s outburst at Priscilla, claiming to be “being real,” is a common misconception in reality TV. Being loud, obnoxious, and confrontational doesn’t equate to authenticity; it makes one an annoyance. Priscilla wasn’t being “fake” when she pointed out Hannah’s double standards, and Hannah’s confessional revelation that she’s the source of her own drama only reinforces the fact that her behavior is unnecessary. It’s not surprising that Hannah hasn’t connected with anyone on staff, given her tendency to create unnecessary conflicts and shout at everyone.

Marciano and Caroline are both at fault in this situation. Caroline, the sous chef, is having a conversation with Eric, the attractive manager of the chateau, about her dissatisfaction with his leadership style. In the midst of their discussion, she unintentionally leaves a batch of croissants in the oven, causing them to burn. Although Marciano, who is nearby, notices the burning smell, he does not take any action to prevent the pastries from burning further. Instead, he confronts Caroline downstairs in a disrespectful manner, calling her names and refusing to take responsibility for the oversight. It is important to remember that teamwork requires everyone to take ownership of their responsibilities, and Marciano should have acted more responsibly in this situation.

Marciano proceeds to place a charcoal briquette in the shape of a croissant on his bed, then utters, “You want to be a smart ass, sorry.” It seems he began the exchange by addressing her as “dumb dumb.” When she approaches him to express her discontent and calls him an idiot, he accuses her of name-calling, as if he hadn’t instigated the whole incident to gain more screen time or become a villain. The reasoning behind his actions is unclear.

That’s what I can’t understand about these people. Are they that terrible? Are they playing a role? Is this Lisa just hiring people she knows are going to create drama? Why are they behaving like this when it is completely unnecessary? Are there people like this in the world? Even if they are, it seems too much, it seems too hard. Meanwhile, there are two housekeepers named Emily and Grace (I think?), and they seem sweet as tarte tatin and just as delicious. Why can’t we get more like them?

This leads us to the conflict between attractive manager Eric and Stephen, from Vanderpump Villa Series-Premiere Recap Cocktail Garden forreating colleagues. Stephen, with a jeweled cock
Later, Eric becomes irate and starts yelling at Stephen, criticizing his work in front of the guests, despite Stephen’s excellent performance. To defuse the situation, Stephen takes Eric aside and assures him of his abilities, while Lisa steps in to mediate the conflict, as if it were a scene from an improv class gone awry. The staff of Chateau Rosabelle (a name reminiscent of a haunted doll horror series) continue their work, preparing themselves for the cameras, setting their sights on their goals, and bracing themselves for the moment of truth when the fireflies dance in the meadow and the clouds drift lazily across a swollen moon. It’s as if a spell has been cast upon them, or perhaps they’re possessed by the ghosts of the chateau, or maybe it’s just the allure of easy fame that drives them.